How Many Times Can A Man Turn His Head?
by Lunakir
Summary: John Winchester sees more than his boys think. This is a father's understanding of his boys' relationships. Wincest, possible weecest and actual good parenting from John. Rated for implied sexy times, possible underage and light swearing. This now has a sequel/companion piece called There's So Many Times I've Let You Down


**Hello! So no idea where this came from! Hope you all enjoy x**

John Winchester sees more than his boys think.

John thinks that his boys must think he's stupid or maybe they just don't care if he knows. Except he knows they care, knows how much Dean cares. He knows because in the dead of night when he can hear the steady thump of the headboard hitting the too thin wall and he can hear the quiet chants of "_Dean, Dean, Dean…"_ he can also hear Dean's voice, his strangled moans and breathy gasps and the way he forces out "_Sammy, shh, baby, Dad'll hear...god sweetheart please". _So, John knows that Dean at least cares about him hearing what they're doing but it doesn't have that much effect because John can still hear his youngest moan and beg. So John leaves whatever crappy motel they're staying in to drink his weight in whisky so he can try and erase the sounds of his boys, _his little boys_, fucking.

John knows what his boys are doing is wrong, he knows it with every fibre of his being but he can't stop them. He can't split them up because it would kill them, it would destroy them and they're all he's got left. John knows deep down that he's partially to blame, he isolated them from the world, gave them only each other, of course they'd turn to each other. In the hidden safety of the dark why wouldn't they reach out for each other, they're all they've ever known. John knows there are times when he practically encouraged their relationship, forced them together. He knows all the times he's made them shower together despite the fact they were much too old, _We ain't got much hot water, you want hot water you shower together. You really gonna let Sammy get sick?, _the endless times he had them share a bed "_Not enough money, Dean, don't you use that tone with me. Sammy sleeps better with you. Told you to look out for him" _and every time he's left them alone together, left Dean to be the only one Sam could turn to. Dean was there for everyone one of Sam's firsts, why not be Sam's first too?

Maybe John should have stopped them when he first realised. Should've done something the first time he saw Dean's eyes trail down Sam's body, should've stopped Sam from dragging his tongue over his lips every time Dean spoke. But John doesn't remember when it all clicked, it wasn't some massive revelation it was just "_oh" _and he knew. It was watching Sam get angrier and angrier at him until he looked like he would explode and then Dean's hand would fall onto Sam's leg and suddenly his youngest would deflate and curl his body towards Dean, forgetting about their argument. It was watching Dean beat the living shit out of some kid who had dared call his brother a freak and Sam reaching up to wind his arms around Dean's neck and Dean's holding _his kid_ so close to his own body and walking away with his hand securely gripping Sam's waist. It was realising that it wasn't just sex, it wasn't just need and desperation, it was Dean looking out for Sam like he always had, taking care of his brother in every possible way.

So John, against better judgment, didn't scream and shout and he didn't separate his boys. He just looked away instead. He pretends not see them jump apart when he enters the room, he acts as if he can't see the purplish bruise blooming on his youngest's neck and he says nothing when Dean sits in the back of the impala with his hand resting inside his brother's pockets.

John sees more than his sons know and sometimes after too many swigs of beer he wonders if they'll ever tell him. He wonders if he should tell them, tell them that he's heard and seen everything and it doesn't change anything. They're still his boys, still _Mary's _boys. John knows he failed the boys and their mother - _god, Mary, baby, I'm sorry _- but he also knows that they'd do anything for each other, he knows that Dean will always keep Sammy safe and that's good enough for John.

John sees every look Sam sneaks at Dean and he sees every lingering touch Dean leaves on Sam. But Sam's doesn't see his quiet acceptance and Dean doesn't see how he purposefully leaves them alone. John sees everything about his boys but they don't see what he does. They didn't see the state that John left Caleb in after a crass comment after too much whisky - _I'd worry about those boys of yours, Johnny, bit close aren't they? Sammy spreading his legs for anyone these days?" _- they didn't see Bobby having to haul John off Calebs limp body and they definitely didn't see the tears in his eyes when John told Bobby that it wasn't like that, it wasn't about that, how dare he say that about his boys, about Sammy? The boys weren't there when Bobby had gripped John in a hug and said "_I know, I know" _and brought him home to his boys drunk and bloody. John had seen the look of disgust on his baby's face when he realised he had fought with Caleb and it made John want to scream and grab Sam by the shoulders shake him - _I did it for you, Sammy! I know, oh god help me, I know, You don't have to hide, Sammy, I know_ - but he didn't, he let his kid stomp away to his room muttering about alcoholic and violent fathers because that was easier than explaining. John saw the look Dean gave him too, the cocked head and questioning eyes, Dean knew he was hiding something. But Dean didn't see the look that John and Bobby shared so when John said "_Go look after your brother" _Dean simply looked at him and said "_I always do"_.

John sees more than anyone gives him credit for. He sees when Bobby pulls Dean aside and he hears the quiet threat softened by the other hunter's gruff voice - "_You look after that brother of yours now, you hurt him and your daddy and I will not go easy on your sorry ass, you hear me?" _- and he hears Dean's hesitant but resolute "_Yes, sir"_.

John's boys don't know how much John really sees and if he's honest he's content with that, they don't need to discuss it. And if John sees the heated glances and hears the breathy moans he pretends that he's none the wiser because even if he did screw his boys over in so many ways at least he knows they got each other's back and that's enough to make John sleep that bit easier at night even with all the moaning.

**Let me know what you all think, ta! xx**


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